Just A Dream
by ArtsyChick
Summary: "This can't be happenin' to me. This is just a dream..." When a comrade risks his life to save hers, Sakura struggles to cope with the unfortunate consequences.
1. The Funeral

**A/N: **While listening to my iPod on a very long and boring drive to Dallas, "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood came on. Because I've recently rekindled my love for _Naruto,_ the second verse and chorus inspired this extremely depressing story. Written in three parts. Please enjoy!

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><p><em>It's like I'm lookin' from a distance, standin' in the background,<em>

_Everybody's saying, "He's not coming home now."_

_This can't be happenin' to me._

_This is just a dream._

Chapter 1: The Funeral

Slipping into the black dress reserved for mourning, Sakura paused to study her reflection. Her pink hair hung limply around her face, still as damp and lifeless as it was in the rain that day. She was pale and there were bags under her eyes, and her irises were almost gray instead of their normal vibrant green. All in all, she looked half-dead—rather fitting for a funeral.

Naruto and Sai were waiting for her. Sai didn't move when she came out the door, but Naruto did; he stepped forward and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She patted his hand and tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace. Then they started to walk.

Of the three, Sakura lived the furthest from the Academy building, but today she didn't mind. She was still hoping this was all a bad dream and that she was going to startle awake to her alarm clock at any moment. But the closer they came to the building, the more real everything became.

They arrived to find a crowd already gathered on the Academy roof. Iruka waved them over, wearing a sad smile. Yamato was standing behind him and studying the ground intently as Iruka opened his arms to hug both her and Naruto.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered as they embraced. "I know he meant a lot to you."

Naruto muttered something and Sakura nodded, her heart wrenching. It was hard not to compare Iruka to Kakashi. Normally she and Kakashi were thrown together at any kind of social event while Naruto was dragged into a rowdy drinking game and Ino fawned over her latest conquest, and she would listen to his glib chatter or bask in his comfortable silence as they kept each other company. Iruka's hug was nice, but… it just wasn't the same.

When the embrace ended, Iruka pulled Naruto aside and Yamato stepped forward to hug her too.

"Don't blame yourself, Sakura-san," he said, patting her shoulder comfortingly. "It wasn't your fault."

She smiled faintly as the crowd began to fall into neat rows. "He died a hero, right?" she said, surprised her voice didn't crack. Then she turned away before he could reply.

She managed to snag a spot between Naruto and Sai near the front of the assembly. Letting her gaze idly wander the portraits of the fallen shinobi, her watering eyes stopped on the only face she recognized.

"Thank you all for coming," Lady Koharu began as she and Lord Homura moved to stand before the orderly lines. "We are gathered here today to honor the deaths of Tanaka Hashi, Suboshi Aiko, Kubota Gin, Sawabe Kaya, and Hatake Kakashi."

Naruto reached over and took Sakura's hand in his, squeezing it tightly. She glanced at him and saw his cerulean eyes were leaking just as much as her own.

The ceremony was long and tedious as the two elders spoke on the behalf of the five deceased shinobi—detailing their mission work, discussing their personal attributes, and extending their condolences to mourning families and teammates. Kakashi's eulogy was longer than the rest—which was to be expected from a man who had been a registered ninja since he was five years old—but Sakura didn't listen. How could they understand what she and the rest of Team Kakashi were going through? How were meaningless sympathies supposed to mend her aching heart or ease the wrenching guilt for having been responsible for his death? He was gone, and it was all her fault.

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><p><strong>AN: **Do you know how painful it is to kill off your favorite character? _Extremely _painful, I tell you what. Anyway, are you sad yet? But you can't stop reading now! The next chapter is a flashback.


	2. His Dying Words

**A/N: **Technically this chapter is a flashback. Have to explain why Sakura blames herself, right? Except this chapter makes me sad... :( Anyway, please enjoy!

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><p><em>And she held on to all she had left of him<em>

_Oh, and what could've been._

_And then the guns rang one last shot_

_And it felt like a bullet in her heart.  
><em>

Chapter 2: His Dying Words

The blade sliced easily through her leg, as if it were butter instead of flesh, and Sakura gasped. With one chakra-enhanced fist, she punched the kunai-wielding ninja so hard in the jaw that he flew backward a hundred feet until his back collided with a tree, snapping the trunk in two.

She paused to catch her breath and reached down to judge the damage. Her hand came away sticky and red. Sucking air through her teeth, she summoned healing chakra to her fingertips and felt it begin to stitch together the serrated tissue.

She wasn't paying attention. She let down her guard for a few seconds as the jutsu worked—one of the biggest tactical errors a shinobi, particularly a medical nin, could ever make. In the instant after she looked down at her leg, Sakura felt a large, warm object slam into her shoulder and plow her arm and injury into the soft earth.

Before she could attack the offending object, she heard a sharp metallic ring as Kakashi's handful of shuriken pinged against the Iwa ninja's armor and one embedded itself in his exposed length of throat. As the ninja fell, his face burrowing into the dirt, the object on top of her moaned and Kakashi vanished in a puff of smoke.

Sakura furrowed her brow, confused. If the Kakashi fighting was just a Shadow Clone, then where was the real…?

"Are you all right, Sakura-chan?"

Heaving herself to a sitting position, she let the object slide into her lap with another groan. She started to smile when she saw it was Kakashi, but it faded just as quickly when she spotted the katana blade protruding from his torso.

"_Shit_, Kakashi," she muttered, her hands already glowing as she moved to staunch the bleeding. "I turn my back for two seconds…"

Kakashi coughed, a grating sound that hurt her ears. "That man," he rasped, "was going to kill you."

She knit her brow in confusion. "That ninja your clone killed?" He nodded weakly and the penny dropped. "You saved me?" He nodded again. "But… but why?"

"Because you were in danger," he stated matter-of-factly. "Didn't I tell you? I never let my comrades die."

The blood wasn't stopping; if anything, it seemed to leave his body faster. Sakura gripped the hilt with shaking hands and deftly pulled it from his stomach. Kakashi's eyes rolled back and he hissed in pain as she tossed the katana over her shoulder. Bending over, she ripped his shirt and let it flap open. The hole was gaping, glistening with blood, and still leaking more. Placing her hands over the torn flesh, she forced every ounce of chakra toward healing the injury.

"It's not working," he gasped, his stomach muscles twitching as the green tendrils of chakra snaked inside.

Sakura grit her teeth. "Yes it is," she said, but the medic in her knew he was right. As if to counter his steady blood flow, her chakra began to sputter and wane, the tendrils dissolving into sparks. She searched her veins, drawing on every last drop and pouring it into Kakashi's body.

"Sakura, you're going to kill yourself," he panted, gripping her hand and trying to pull it away.

Sakura yanked right back, but without her chakra he was stronger and she gave up fighting him. Instead, she shifted the chakra flow to her other hand and continued with the healing.

"Sakura." She ignored him. "Sakura," he said again, a little more forcefully. She still ignored him. "Look at me, Sakura," he commanded, squeezing her hand for emphasis. Reluctantly, Sakura dragged her gaze up to meet his.

"I'm dying," he said quietly, his grip loosening. Just as his hand was about to drop from hers, she shifted her fingers so they were interlocking and held it to her heart.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head fervently.

He tried to smile—she could tell because his right eye crinkled up—but the action incited another bout of awful coughing. His mask was so stained with blood the fabric was no longer blue but a sticky black. Reaching up, she tore the sleeve right off her shirt and ripped it in half. When her hand touched the edge of his mask, his eyes widened in panic.

"I just want to switch out your mask," she explained gently. When his eyes didn't move from her hand, she sighed. "I'll close my eyes." And she did.

She felt the tenseness temporarily leave Kakashi's arm as she fumbled to grip his mask. Gingerly, she dragged it down his nose and over his chin until it settled against his neck. She ignored the temptation to peek as her fingers brushed over his firm lips and his breath ghosted against them. Carefully, she laid the cloth strip over his nose and opened her eyes.

"Thank you," he murmured.

She grinned. "You're welcome, sensei."

"You haven't called me 'sensei' in a long time." He sighed leisurely. "I think I'm ready to die, Sakura."

Tears instantly sprang in her eyes, mingling with the dirt and blood streaking her cheeks. "No," she said.

"It's not so bad."

"No…"

"I've already done it once before."

"How can you talk about death so carelessly?" she cried, angry tears spilling down her cheeks. "What about everything you're leaving behind? What about the village? About us?"

He frowned, squeezed her hand and with the other reached up to touch her cheek. "Of course I care about you, Sakura-chan," he murmured. "You're the most important thing to me."

"Naruto and I," she blubbered, "you're so important to us… We wouldn't be shinobi without you, Kakashi."

"You guys didn't need me," he mumbled, his words starting to slur together.

She could barely see him anymore; all the tears had turned his face into a watery mosaic. "Yes we did," she protested. "We're a team because of you."

His thumb lightly stroked her cheek, his blood mingling with her tears. "Please don't cry over me, Sakura-chan." But she wept anyway as his hand dropped from her face to fall on his chest. She felt his grasp on her hand loosen and his pulse was rapidly fading and her cries grew louder.

"Sensei, p-please don't go," she sobbed. "Please don't l-leave me."

"Goodbye Sakura," he whispered as he exhaled, inhaled, exhaled… and stopped breathing altogether.

She blinked and stared at him dumbly. He looked like he was asleep, minus the book resting against his jaw. But his pulse was gone and when she laid her head against his chest, his comforting heartbeat had gone too.

Footsteps crunched in the gravel around her, but she didn't bother looking up. What was the point? Then Naruto's voice rang out, clear and loud and strained:

"What's wrong with Kakashi-sensei, Sakura-chan?"

That's when the rain began to fall.

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><p><strong>AN: **_Sigh... _As I said before, it's painful to kill off your favorite character (me+Kakashi=love!). But I like writing death scenes for some odd, incomprehensible reason. I wonder if I should be worried about that... :p Anyway, on to the last chapter!


	3. The Will to Go On

**A/N: **Hooray for the last chapter! Although, based on the content, I suppose that's not really a reason to cheer... Anyway, hopefully this is a little more lighthearted than the rest of the story has been. Enjoy!

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><p><em>Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go?<em>

_I was countin' on forever, now I'll never know.  
><em>

Chapter 3: The Will to Go On

Why did the food in her cupboards insist on mocking her? Both the bottle of wine and the box of cookies were beckoning to her, offering her comfort in the form of deliciousness. Deciding she'd rather be fat than hung-over, Sakura plucked the box of cookies off the shelf and carried it to her bedroom.

Although she was exhausted, she wasn't sleepy, so she took her treat to the window and slid up the pane. Swinging her legs over the sill, she sat on the edge and popped a cookie in her mouth, crunching it between her teeth.

Tonight, Konoha was breathtaking. All over the village lights twinkled and flickered, laughter carried over the rooftops, and the Hokage monument was so brilliantly illuminated it obscured her view of the stars. Nevertheless, it was strange to think that the world hadn't stopped revolving because her teacher died—her world seemed to.

"Comfort food?" a voice asked.

Tilting her head, she smiled at the man seated beside her, his face hidden behind a turquoise book cover, before stuffing another cookie into her mouth. "I've had a rough day," she replied, crumbs spilling on her lap. "I think I deserve it."

The man sighed and turned a page in his book. "I suppose you do."

They were silent a moment as she studied the cookie box and he studied the characters lining the paper. "How did you do it?" she asked suddenly as a tear splashed onto the cardboard.

"Do what?"

"Get out of bed every morning." She sighed and looked at the sky, searching for a constellation she recognized. "Go on living. I read your file, you know."

"Find anything interesting?"

"You were an orphan," she whispered, "and your last teammate died when you were my age. But you were never sad around us."

He closed the book and gazed at the stars with her. "That's because I always found someone new," he said slowly. "Granted, they could never replace the ones I lost, but I made new friends. Found new teammates." And he looked at her and smiled. "Like you, Sakura-chan."

She'd believed—mistakenly, apparently—that all of her sorrow had been spent, that every last drop of water she could afford to waste crying was gone. But then she started to weep again.

"Why do I always seem to make you cry?" he murmured. She saw him place a hand on her shoulder, but she couldn't feel it. Knowing he wouldn't be able to return an embrace, she hugged the cookie box instead.

"I miss you, sensei," she sobbed. "Why'd you have to go?"

"It was my time, I guess. I've done everything I was meant to do."

"But I need you," she whispered.

He shook his head. "You never needed me. My presence was merely a formality. I know for a fact that I am the only jounin instructor whose students abandoned him to train with the Legendary Sannin."

"But you made us shinobi to begin with."

He shrugged. "I suppose you did need me, just for a minute."

Wiping her eyes, she lifted her head to gaze at the man she had known since she was twelve years old. In those seven years, Kakashi hadn't aged and she'd grown accustomed to his presence like you would to a light fixture or the refrigerator—he was always there when she needed him and sometimes when she didn't. But like those seemingly meaningless objects, she didn't realize how important he was to her ability to function until he was gone.

"I know it's hard, Sakura-chan," he said finally, resting his chin in his hands as he stared at her profile. "But you're a big girl, and you're so much stronger than you think."

She smiled sadly. "Thanks," she said and ate another cookie.

He chuckled. "Think you can sleep now?"

"I think so."

Raising his hand, he placed it gently atop her tousled bubblegum hair. Ruffling the tangled locks with his insubstantial fingers, he grinned and pressed a kiss to her temple. "Goodnight then, Sakura-chan."

She watched as he dissolved into nothingness before touching a finger to her temple, where the skin still tingled. "Goodnight, Kakashi-sensei," she murmured, looking up the stars as they glimmered in the night sky. With the feeling of his kiss and the faint sensation of his fingers in her hair, Sakura knew that she would be able to cope.

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><p><strong>AN: **The end! So, what'd you think? I hope you liked it enough to leave me a review... *hint hint, wink wink*

On a sidenote, read my next story please! It's called _Limbo _and deals with Sakura's experience in the afterlife. Anyway, thanks for stopping by!


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